Painted On My Heart

I think I should start off my post this time with a disclaimer: I hate goodbyes.

I was never good at goodbyes. Sure, I’m okay with the days leading up to the actual farewell… I can even give you a reassuring speech and hold it all together. But, when the time finally comes… I forget how to handle it. I forget the pinky-promises of seeing each other again, I forget the “bright side”, I forget the ever-popular phrase: “all good things must come to an end”, I forget that there is always a “tomorrow”… I forget everything and only realize that in that moment, I am crushed. Which is why I feel the need to apologize to any of my KY seniors if they, at any moment, had felt my “goodbyes” to fall short of the grandeur that they definitely deserve. I apologize if I had been (as my lovely chalet-mate would affectionately like to peg me as) an “awkward child”. I am just that rotten at bidding my farewells.

If you’re anything like me, I’m sure you try as you may to ensure that each moment that ultimately culminates into that dreaded “au revoir” is cherished beforehand because of the inevitable cluelessness you’ll experience when faced with the thought of not seeing the people you love for a very long time.

Let’s take a look at the moments that had lead up to the 23^rd of June 2012.

I guess I’ll start with prom because that felt like ages ago! I distinctly remember the hype that had surrounded the entire event… Girls going around begging to get a preview of other girls’ dresses, boys asking where to get corsages (or in some cases, what corsages actually were… hehe), etc…

Everyone looked amazing that night. I don't know if it had been the idea of it being their last KY prom or not, but the seniors had a certain glow about them. A certain beauty in the way they opted to cherish their remaining moments together in one room, just indulging in the glory of their youth. It was almost surreal.

Of course, prom would not be prom without a dance floor. Although (judging from the proms I've been to), I sense a pattern in the music they usually play. Ergo, far too much techno ("clubbing" music?) and not enough songs people can actually dance (not thrash) to. In any case, we still had a good time.

:)

On another more recent note, a pang of regret still accompanies thoughts of this year’s Garnet Farewell Dinner whenever they appear on the surface of my mind. Even though I was ecstatic that everybody had more than enough food that night, I slightly regret being with the buffet table instead of the seniors. Before you go and think I’m a food-obsessed nut, I was under that circumstance only because it was a duty I happily undertook. A duty that required me to ensure everyone’s satisfied epicurean demands and that the food area was spic and span (I cannot stand a messy serving table. In fact, I hate when food and mess are used in the same sentence. I get all OCD and start cleaning frantically).

Our theme had been "time travel" and as you can see from the above picture, Amal and Nadia were "Sixties Children" or "Flower Children" while I attempted (again, I stress on the word 'attempt') to be Sandy Olsen for the night. I think there was a Danny Zuko somewhere in the party...

However, I do believe that the piece de resistance of the entire two semesters we shared with the seniors (specifically our Garnetron seniors) had to be the moment Julian and Zi Chii announced the winning house for this year’s House Cup. It was a long and arduous journey for each and every member of the family, but living out what seemed to be (for the longest time) a dream, one that solidified how we could take on anything as long as we placed our bonds together above everything else, was something that I’ll never forget.

Looking back on the past few weeks, I can't help but ask: do we really cherish the moments we live out? Why is it that we tend to turn around and think "I wish I had done that differently," or "I can't believe we did that". Do we savor each experience, drink in every bit of joy and sorrow, paint every color onto our hearts to ensure that we never miss out on the beauty of life itself? 

I hope so.

Even if we don't, I genuinely hope we start now. 

Life is far too short and far too many people come into our lives and leave, imprinting a mark however big or small onto our seemingly petty existence. So, savor each experience. Appreciate each person around you. Look to the heavens and thank God for giving you one more day to feel the beauty that surrounds you. I say this with all the sincerity in the world as I too am learning and I too am reminding myself of this idealistic sense of living whenever I am able to. 

On a lighter note, I suppose it's prudent to mention that I'll be working for the first time (ever) this week. It's exciting because minus the times I've been paid (in non-currency form) to give massages to the mater and pater, this would be a new "thing" for me. Here's hoping that I'll learn a thing or two about the working world (other than how different people take their coffee). 

Now, with that ladies and gentleman, I end tonight's little rant with a song that I randomly came across while going through my mom's old CDs earlier today. Needless to say, I am obsessed with it at the moment.